Worker bee or Queen Bee?
The House Wife, a Stay at Home Mom… A Taboo Topic?
By: Mufti Abraar Alli
What kind of bee are you? Ever pondered over the remarkable role of bees and how Allah Ta’ala creates honey from the union of the queen and worker bees? Well we should ponder, if we haven’t!! The job spec of the queen bee and the worker bee is uniquely defined, each creature has a different objective. We won’t try to change the nature and responsibilities of wild untamed bees, then why would we try to change that of the cultivated forms of existence, i.e. we, the humans?
Human beings have been distinguished by Allah in gender. Both male and female are diverse from each other with regard to qualities; emotions, responsibilities, even appearance. We must remember that both men and women are creations of Allah, and He won’t ever oppress us with regard to form or responsibilities.
Yes, although heavily criticised, Islam has defined each gender’s responsibility to be focused in different directions. Ultimately, males and females are equipped with the inherent abilities to fulfil their role. Hence, it is a system and structure which is found within any organisation that unifies it to become a productive entity, otherwise there would be total chaos and mismanagement.
An exclusive duty given to women is the ability to bear children and nurture them. She is gifted with this responsibility in the home and deserves to be given due credit. A heavy responsibility it is, also, a critical one and without its proper understanding can have disastrous effects on the society. It is not to be treated lightly.
‘The house wife’, ‘a stay at home mom’ a taboo it has become and sadly, it has engulfed the Muslims too. ‘Career and working woman’ has been the new bar of accomplishment and freedom. She has to be a superwoman; being a mom, a wife, a worker, maintaining the house and still be happy.
Quit the fantasy world! There is no such thing as a “SUPER-PERSON” in the real world. But in Islam, every mom and every woman has been given tremendous status and honour that makes her not a super-person but makes her a jewel by mere existence.
Islam honours women to be the foundation of society, a task worthy of endless praise. Her role is seemingly common and does not hold great titles, but is greatly rewarded and can be the ticket to lofty status in the real, everlasting world– Jannah/ paradise.
The role of a mother in bringing up children initially is greater than that of a father. She is responsible for their emotional, behavioural, and intellectual development. Her responsibility for instilling the love of Islam in them, especially in their early, formative years is fundamental. When a woman understands the teachings of Islam and her own role in life, she understands her complete responsibility for the upbringing of her children, as is referred to in the Quran: “O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones.” (Quran 66:6)
Women today are full of dilemmas; should I contribute to the financial aspect of the house? Would I be seen as a lazy person if I stay at home? I don’t contribute to the wider society; I don’t have a career, what is my purpose in life?
The answers are all simple. Islam has defined that men have to provide to their family’s financial needs. Women are then free to take care of the family by nurturing, without having the added stress of earning an income.
‘Men are guardians of women because of what Allah have preferred one over the other and because of what they spend to support them from their wealth’.
The above verse depicts one of the roles of males to his family, especially the females. And this status of the protector comes as a liability rather than an authority. His responsibility is for two reasons, ‘because of what Allah has preferred one over the other’ and ‘Because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.’
Hence, the males also have an exclusive role as the protector and the maintainer; the role full of obligation, toiling and great endurance. They have to pay the dowries, they have to earn for their wives and children and ensure that the necessities are all fulfilled in the home. He is even commanded to give his wife a stipend besides the household necessities, according to their economic status.
A true housewife and mom isn’t an ‘eight to four’ job but has always been a 24 hour profession. The mother works restlessly in pleasing her husband and kids, whilst sacrificing her own wishes. The majority of it might go unnoticed to many, but little might she realise it’s a job that is definitely most pleasing to the Lord of the worlds.
“If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts in the month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.’
(Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani).
The Muslim woman’s contribution to society is remarkable; they are the flag bearers of morality and ethics of the future. The contribution of the mother or sister in the house is the thriving factor that signifies a productive house and affects the society at large. Many Muslim women took their role seriously, to serve their societies in a number of areas. It can be seen directly in a home where the mother is nurturing the children, and also by the larger public, when Muslim women look at the needs of their communities; they make sure the schools are not overburdening the children, they ensure the Maktab system is benefiting, the community children are getting rich Islamic knowledge and values, they find ways of keeping the masjid clean and inviting the worshipers and much, much more.
Sometimes, a career is viewed as the formal way of enslaving a person to the values of an unjust society. A career woman pushes her whole life to accomplish something that never really mattered to her. Her chance is now diminished to find a suitable spouse due to the many years spent in acquiring the western status. She even finds it hard to find a partner, with him knowing that she earns more than he does. Home –makers and house wives doesn’t mean that you aren’t educated nor does it mean that you lack any skills. So, really are the titles really worth the stress, whilst Allah Ta’ala has given you so much honour in being a Muslim woman?
In Islam, women aren’t barred from education nor are they discouraged from being productive in society. In fact, they are encouraged to have good sound education and to become the most productive person in the household within the allowable means of Islam. They are to embrace their hidden talents and become the innovators of progress. Women’s Islamic scholarship has always been in our history, starting from the likes of the great Aisha (RA), whose marriage the scholars mention was to bring forth a spring of knowledge and benefit to the Ummah.
However, in the process don’t forget the command given to the Mothers of the believers, which is a general principle that applies to all our mothers and sisters:
“And Stick firmly to your homes, and do not flaunt your charms as they used to flaunt them in the old days of pagan ignorance” [33:33]
To be a housewife, a stay at home mom, a home maker or just an upright Muslim girl who chooses not to follow the mirage of a career woman, is not taboo in anyway. However, it is a praiseworthy decision that would be mindfully following the traits of a cautious, pious Muslimah. Without doubt, that would be a great asset to society and Islam at large.
Let the worker bee do the work and let the Queen bee sit on her throne.
